Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour 2/17
Dec. 10th, 2007 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
st_jane_ambulanceI'm wearing the Gryffindor hat I just finished making a couple of hours ago, and I finished polishing the second session, so here it is.
Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour, Part the Second
In which Hermione's underground porn ring is discovered, Snape makes Harry an offer he can't refuse, and Seamus keeps popping in and out of existence.
Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour, Part the Second
In which Hermione's underground porn ring is discovered, Snape makes Harry an offer he can't refuse, and Seamus keeps popping in and out of existence.
Erica - Dumbledore, Hermione, Ginny
Marie - Harry, Ron
Delaney - Seamus, Draco
This session was a bit interesting because Delaney's internet connection kept cutting out. I left in the very beginning, when we were getting into character, because it amuses me.
***
Dumbledore: D, pick a character
Harry: ...
Seamus: Seamus
Dumbledore: and get to the great hall
Seamus: internet logged me off
Harry: isn't seamus a character?
Seamus: alright
Seamus: XD
Dumbledore: well, ready y'all?
Seamus: *nod*
Harry: my face seems to be on straight
Dumbledore: Good morning harry, I thought I 'd best catch you before your first class, I have some news concerning your elf.
Harry: Er... my elf? Oh, him.
Dumbledore: Well, I've talked it over with him, and it seems that he'll be staying here for a while.
Seamus: Elf? Harry? You have an elf?
Harry: Well, sort of... we let him sleep in your bed, I hope you don't mind.
Seamus: You let him sleep in my bed? And ... you never told me? Why don't you ever tell me ANYTHING? Bastard.
Harry: You missed the freaking train!
Dumbledore: Well, it turns out the Lupin was very interested in enlisting this elf as his assistant.
Seamus: Yeah, so? You still leave me out on...stuff!
Harry: Show up on time and I won't have to! *pffft*
Seamus: Ooh, is he pretty, Professor Dumbledore?
Harry: *sighs wistfully*
Ron: *elbows harry* Hey!
Dumbledore: I trust you won't miss your first class, potions... I believe.
Seamus: Oh, shove a cock in your mouth, golden boy. Hmph.
Ron: *blushes*
Dumbledore: I.. will dismiss myself
Harry: ... what about the information?
Seamus: Potions? Bleh.
Hermione: You heard him Harry, the elf will be staying here.
Seamus: Not in my bed! Bastard, Harry.
Harry: Yeah, but I was expecting background info or something. *to Seamus* You weren't using it.
Seamus: Who is this elf guy anyway?
Harry: Well, we don't know. Neville summoned him from a circle of blood.
Seamus: What...what if he soiled my sheets though? He probably made them smell all elfy!
Hermione: Well, his name is legolas..
Harry: I'm not sure that's a bad thing...
Hermione: Whe elf, that is.... he told me earlier this morning in the common room, before I took him to see Dumbledore.
Seamus: Oh? Herm, you getting hot and heavy with the elf?
Harry: She's got no one else.
Hermione: What! No! I didn't do anything!
Harry: Weren't you complaining last night you were the only one in Gryffindor not getting laid?
Hermione: I only escorted him to the head office...
Seamus: Sure. Liar.
Harry: With your tongue!
Hermione: hmph. what!
Seamus: Harry, you've gained my respect once again! *assslap*
Hermioon: *shoots evil glare at all involved*
Ron: Hey! Keep your hands off my man, Finnegan!
Seamus: Eh, whatever. I'm leaving.
Hermione: *whispering* Harry, Snape is glaring at you again.
Harry: Would he be doing anything else?
Hermione: Well, no. Shit, it's Draco.
Draco: *walk over* *pulls Hermione aside* *waves nude Harry pictures in front of face* WHAT ARE THESE?
Harry: oh.. uh...
Hermione: ah... er..
Harry: ahem.. Where did you get those, exactly?
Hermione: Harry! I only gave him the leather ones!
Harry: Are you sure those are the only ones you took?
Draco: I wanted RON pictures, not HARRY pictures
Harry: Hey!
Hermione: I've never been in the boy's dorm after dark! I've never had an opportunity to take those...
Draco: And don't you even think of charging me extra!
Ron: What?
Hermione: ... is that a birhtmark? *takes picture*
Ron: Hey! Geroff!
Hermione: *notices time*
Draco: So...uh...Ron...I know you're poor and all... but, wanna go out to the Three Broomsticks with me sometime?
Hermione: Oh! It's time for class!
Ron: Excuse me, NO!
Harry: Go find your own!
Draco: You break my heart.
Hermione: *rushes off to potions class*
Draco: Potions? Potions? Oh goody! *skips*
Harry: Look at him go!
Draco: I can't wait to see Snape! He's the only one that understands me...
Snape: *glides off to potions class*
Harry: What is this, the ice capades?
Seamus: *slides by on skates*
Neville: *looks furtive* Pst... Seamus, can I sit next to you in class?
Seamus: Sure, Nev. Whatever.
Neville: *grabs Seamus and drags off to potions class*
Harry: Oh dear.
Neville: *sits down in potions class near back*
Seamus: *sits down next to* Nev, you have a painful grip. Ow.
Harry: *sits down with Ron and Hermy a safe distance from Neville*
Neville: *shirnks into chair as Sanpe enters room, hides behind Seamus*
Seamus: What do I look like, a fucking bodyguard?
Snape: Turn to page 123.
Draco: Snapey! *waves*
Harry: *flip flip flip*
Draco: *turns to page obediently*
Harry: *flips off Draco*
Draco: *blows kiss at Ron*
Harry: Grrr..
Snape: Class, today we are working on a very simple potion.
Harry: A screwdriver?
Snape: *glares at Potter*
Harry: *grins innocently*
Snape: We are working on a silence brew. Perfect for drugging students. *lists steps and ingredients on board* After you are finished, you may leave early. Except YOU, Harry.
Harry: Oh, bugger.
Draco: Hmm...*glances at Ron*
Neville: *promptly blows up cauldron*
Ron: *to harry* I'll wait outside the door... hurry, please.
Neville: *sneaks out*
Draco: NEVILLE'S ESCAPING!
Hermione: *throws rotting newt at Draco*
Harry: Score!
Draco: *doesn't notice* Hm...something smells odd...
Snape: Mr Potter!
Harry: I didn't do it!
Snape: You are not to disrupt my class.
Draco: Potter did it! He's jealous!
Harry: I did not!
Draco: Liar. Ron loves me. So you made my hair smell bad. *Still not noticing newt*
Snape: Potter *leans closer* I despise every inch of you down to you long, black eyelashes and... *notices class is watching him* *looks for someone to blame*
Ron: *seething*
Seamus: Ick, prof., don't snog 'im
Harry: Please.
Snape: *squeeks* I don't even like his hot little behind! *turns pale* CLASS DISSMISSED!
Harry says: Whew!
Seamus: Hm...Snape was acting weird, wasn't he Nev- hey, where did he go? *leaves potions*
Hermione: Harry, don't forget to fill us in on the details of what Snape wants you for.
Draco: If Snape seduces Potter...Ron will be mine. ALL MINE!
Harry: Don't count on it, snowball.
Hermione: Good luck, Harry. *leaves Harry to his fate*
Harry: Hey!
Snape: *looking as if nothing happened* Mr Potter, up front, if you will.
Harry: *walks nervously to the front of the room*
Draco: *hiding under desk*
Snape: Now... Potter *trying not to even look at Harry* I understand you were very close to ..Black.
Harry: mm hmm.
Snape: I need you to tell me, did he give you anything?
Harry: *suspicious* Like what, exactly?
Snape: I need close personal belongings of his for a spell.
Harry: What kind of spell?
Snape: ... None of your business, Potter.
Harry: Before I give you anything, I'm going to need to know what the spell is. Assuming I have anything of his, that is.
Snape: *spins around to face Potter* Resurrection, Potter, I plan to ressurect Sirius Black, to summon him back from the veil.
Harry: .....you....wha......why?
Snape: *suddenly very defensive* itsnotlikei'mtryingtogetintoyourpants! ...
Harry: ....
Snape: ... or anything.. *coughs*
Harry: Come on, professor. you know that's not going to happen.
Snape: I have full confidence in my ability to resurrect Black.
Harry: I thought you hated his guts.
Snape: Provided you can provide something personal of his.
Harry: *sobbing* Or do you just want to bring him back so you can kill him yourself this time?
Snape: If you wish it, he can stay dead.
Harry: I'll get my mirror
Snape: *moves in to comofort Harry*
Draco: *watching from under desk*
Snape: There there, Potter.
Ron: *bursts in the door* GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM, YOU WANKER!
Draco: *stands up* YOU RUINED IT!
Snape: Fifty Points from Gryffindor Weasley!
Ron: That's my Potter!
Harry: My Wheezy!
Draco: *gags*
Snape: Bring the mirror to me tommorrow, Potter.
Harry: *sniff* Okay. *walks toward Ron*
Snape: Draco, I must have a few words with you.
Draco: Okay?
Snape: What, exactly, did you overhear? *fingers wand threateningly*
Draco: *twiddles thumbs* Why nothing, professor Snape.
Snape: *whips out wand and starts the memory charm*
Draco: Okay, so you're planning on bringing Sirius Black back to life and getting into Potter's pants, which I fully support.
Snape: Well, are you capable of NOT telling anyone?
Draco: Well...let's see....how much money are you willing to give me to keep my mouth shut?
Snape: ... *whispers* I have these bubblebath pictures of Ron that Ms Granger accidentaly sent to me.
Draco: Alright, hand them over and your secret shall be revealed to no one.
Snape: *hands over large manila folder stuffed to bursting*
Harry: (bloody hell)
Draco: Oh, score! *rubs hands together gleefully and runs off with folder*
Snape: Well now, I expect you have somewhere else to be, immidiately. Unless, harry, you wish to continue our discussion
Harry: *scram*
Hermione: *waiting to meet up with Harry and Ron*
Harry: *arrives, slightly pale*
Seamus: Hi everyone! *bounces over*
Hermione: *sitting in front of fire in common room* Harry, you don't look well.
Harry: Well, Snape's trying to seduce me by offering to bring Sirius back to life. Should I trust him?
Hermione: Well, He is in the order of the pheonix
Seamus: I say you should. I mean, hey, it's free sex.
Harry: What?! Oy...
Hermione: *blushes*
Ron: *slightly angry* It's not like he's paying ME for it.
Hermione: You boys... *rushes from room to protect 'innocent'ears*
Seamus: Oh, Ron, get over it. Everyone in the school wants Harry. You'll have to get used to it sometime. NotthatIlikehimoranything
Neville: *quietly* I don't want Harry.
Harry: Can't anybody get it into their heads I've already got one?
Neville: *looses maniacal look when gazes wistfully at Seamus* Sigh.
Seamus: You've got one? One what?
Harry: ...
Neville: He means sex toy.
Harry: Well, I wouldn't put it quite that way...
Seamus: Oh, right.
Neville: *looks startled* SHIT!
Seamus: Well, what's the fun in just having ONE sex toy? *winkwinknudgenudgeharry*
Harry: What!
Ron says: *growl*
Neville: My RING!
Harry: wedidn'ttakeit!
Neville: I've lost my ring!
Seamus: Ring?
Neville: My... PRECIOUS! NOOO!
Seamus: Nev, is it just me, or is your skin a little bit green?
Harry: Yeah, and your eyes are a little weird.
Neville: *acts hysterical, then glomps onto Seamus's leg* Nooooo!
Seamus: Nev, you're growing a bald spot! I think this ring-thing is going too far with you. Perhaps you should go to wizarding rehab.
Neville: *sniff* *curls up around Seamus's legs and sniffs himself to sleep*
Harry: I really think we should take him to St. Mungo's.
Seamus: Aw. He's like a puppy. with green skin, a bald spot and buggy eyes. I agree.
Neville: *gets taken off to St. Mungo's by Madam Pomfry*
Harry: Wow, that was quick.
Legolas: ...Excuse me..
Harry: Oh! This is our elf.
Seamus: Elf! He's...pretty.
Legolas: *looks shyly indignant at being called somebody's elf* I was looking for the boy who summoned me.
Harry: Oh.. He.. left.
Legolas: Oh. Could someone tell me what happened last night?
Harry: As far as we know, you were summoned. And that's about it.
Seamus: I missed the train. You have a nice bum. Marry me, elf?
Legolas: ...
Harry: Perhaps he's already engaged.
Legolas: The truth is, I came in here to escape a gaggle of twelve-year-old girls.
Harry: Uh oh.
Legolas: ... and you defense teacher.
Harry: You know... this is a school.
Legolas: Your Professor Lupin is a fast runner.
Harry: Lupin's a good werewolf as long as he takes his potion.
Seamus: He's so fuzzy. Like a sasquatch.
Legolas: Uh. *shivers at sasquatch memory*
Harry: I bet Sirius used to pet him when he turned into a wolf.... *sob*
Legolas: Sirius?
Harry: My godfather. Used to be, anyway.
Legolas: Ah.
Seamus: He was a washed out hippy Eh.
Legolas: ...
Harry: HE WAS NOT!
Legolas: *backs away from Seamus to avoid enraged Harry*
Seamus: Eep, don't hurt me, man!
Legolas: Um, perhaps I should leave.
Harry: Uou don't have to... you weren't insulting members of my adopted family like some people I could mention!
Legolas: Wait.... you look familiar.... have you ever worn leather?
Seamus: Harry...you're...adopted?
Harry: *rounds on Hermione* Who else did you send pictures to? No, I'm not adopted!
Seamus: *hides folder of pictures*
Hermy: *hiding out of room*
Harry: Oh shit... not everybody knows about Sirius, do they?
Seamus: The hippy-thing? Or the godfather thing?
Harry: The innocent thing.
Legolas: *gracefully walks over to door and peeks head out*
Seamus: Shit, he was innocent? No one ever tells me ANYTHING! *angst*
Legolas: *slips out door*
Draco: *hiding outside Gryffindor portal* Hey! You're an elf!
Legolas: *startled* Harry, there is a student hiding out here.
Harry: Who?
Draco: *hides behind trashcan*
Harry: Hey, where'd that trash can come from?
Legolas: He is very pale.
Draco: I'm just a trashcan! Go back to your room!
Harry: Hey Seamus, when did we get a trashcan?
Draco: But, Ron should come out here! Throw something away!
Seamus: We got a trashcan?
Harry: That voice! Where have I heard that voice?
Seamus: Score! We have a trashcan!
Legolas: *slips outside when no one is looking*
Hermione: *come into room with arms full of rash* Hmmmm... Harry, Ron, Seamus, I have here all the pictures I've taken, I'm perfectly willing to burn them if you want, or I could throw them in that
trashcan over there. Your choice.
Harry: I think I'd rather you burn them.
Seamus: I wouldn't mind having some of them...
Harry: Mind you don't leave them laying around the castle.
Hermione: *lets Seamus sort through pics, then burns rest*
"trashcan": What do you think you're DOING?
Harry: Who said that?
Hermione: ... Oh!* save photo from fire* Where'd I get this one? *looking at S&M Snape*
"trashcan": I want some pictures too! Or give some to Draco! Yes, Draco should have the pictures!
Harry: Blimey! Who else is that with him?
Seamus: *wipes drool from mouth*
Hermione: ... Must have traded Ginny for this.
Harry: *choke*
Ron: You got that from Ginny?
Hermione: ...*very quickly* No! ... I ment... um... Ginni from the village...
Seamus: Are the Gryffindors girls dorms some kind of underground porn trading system?
Hermione: ...
Ron: Only of Gryffindor boys.
Hermione: Uh, no? ... and not only Gryffindors...
Harry: Who takes these for you? Colin Creevey?
Hermy: God no. I've got a pretty extensive network. Ever since that leather picture, I've been discovering many trustworthy contacts.
Seamus: I'm impressed! *pats herm on the back* Keep up the good work, porn wench!
Harry: Hey, these are pretty good... say, do you think you could do me and Ron sometime? I mean, with our knowledge.
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermione: *glows with pride*
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Harry: (Van helsing preview!)
Seamus: (sorry, internet disconnected!)
Hermione: I even got a jell-o shot photo of Draco for McGonagall's personal collection.
Harry: McGonagall's in on this too?
Hermione: She turns her back.
"Trashcan" says: Throw that picture of Draco away RIGHT NOW!
Harry: Hang on, let me see that... I think I'll use this for future blackmail.
Hermione: *hands photo of Snape to Harry* I promise to stop sending around pictures of you, Harry.
Harry: Hey, I wanted the Draco one.
Seamus: But...I want more pictures...
Hermione: The Draco is in McGonagall's hands.
Harry: Aww.
Hermione: Well seamus, there are still the other camrea women in my network. They might be stalking Harry, why, he's a cash cow, his pictures alone have made me a fortune.
Harry: *grins broadly*
Seamus: Oh, great! So...eh...you wanna introduce me to these photographing ladies anytime soon, Herm?
Hermione: I'm sorry, I keep their names confidential. But I can snag their pics. I run the trade ring.
Harry: You pimp, you!
Hermione: I'm even starting to reach Hogsmeade. ...sigh.. a pimp with no lovin'.
Harry: *pats her on shoulder* We'll find you one yet.
Hermione: Sigh.
Seamus: Sasquatch?
Harry: ...
Hermione: What!
Harry: Yes Seamus. A sasquatch.
Hermione: Eww! EWW!
Harry: I was joking, Hermione.
Hermione: That just seems too like Hagrid.
Seamus has left the conversation.
Harry: Damn! he keeps popping in and out of existence!
Hermione: I wish I knew that spell
Harry: You'd have to pass a test to do it legally.
Hermione: Sigh. So, you think I should get into this professionally? The whole exotic photo trade?
Harry: Oh, definitely. Witch weekly would love this stuff.
Hermione: Hmm, well, at least for a few years as a side job.... could I get your autograph on one of the leather pictures?
Harry: No problem. Say, if you ever start your own magazine or something... could I be the first centerfold?
Hermione: Sweet! I'll cut you in on 25% sales price.
Harry: Woo!
Hermione: *startled by an owl that drops a letter in her lap*
Harry: Eh? What's that?
Hermione: *examines package* The handwritting is hard to read...
Harry: Open it! Open it!
Hermione: I'll open it. *opens package* *finds small wooden chest* *opens chest* ..Um, Harry, I think this might be for you...
Harry: Oh? What is it?
Hermy: *turns pale*
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Harry: Could you tell me what was in the package?
Seamus: (alright, what happened? My internet died. Again.)
Hermione: *slowly lifts severed head of Sirius*
Harry: *gasp*
Seamus: AUGH! It's a HEAD! (Dude...which head?)
Harry: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!
Hermione: Maybe.. maybe its just an illusion...
Harry: *shaking uncontrollably*
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermione: If not, well its damn well personal enough to work for Snape's spell. *grabs head and rushes from room* I'll take this to Dumbledore, RON STAY WITH HARRY!
Harry: *THUD*
Ron: I don't think I'll need to... But I will anyway.
Hermione: *bursts back in minus head*
Ron: Well?
Hermione: I ran into McGonagall.
Ron: And?
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Hermione: She's taken the head and called the staff. If all goes well, we should know soon.....
Ron: Should we wake Harry?
Seamus: (sorry >< really hating internet now) Harry? Where did he go?
Ron: He's on the floor
Hermione: Here, let me * produces ice cold cloth from somewhere and nurses Harry's head*
Harry: ....nnnnSIRIUS!! *sits bolt upright*
Hermione: Seamus, would you toss the wrapping into the trash?
Seamus: Oh sure! *takes wrapping and tosses wrapper into trashcan* Funny...I really never noticed this here before. Or the scrawny person hiding behind it
Harry: *starts to cry*
Hermione: Person!
Harry: *sobbing* Who?
Hermione: DRACO!!!!!! *gets VERY peeved*
Harry: Tell him to sod off!
Draco: Pay no attention to the man behind the...trashcan
Hermione: SOD OFF DRACO!
Draco: Geez, what's with you Granger? PMSey enough?
Ginny: *sneeks in ready to oil any male wrestlers and take photos*
Hermione: *Jumps Draco intent on beeting him to a pulp*
Ron: WOO! Go Hermione!
Draco: Ron, love, save me! Oh, my precious Malfoy nose!
Ginny: *sneaks out disappointed*
Ron: Ha!
Hermione: *slaps Draco silly* * gets up on feet and brushes herself off* Hmph!
Draco: Eh
Ron: You go, girl!
Hermione: Ron, Seamus, let's put Harry to bed.
Draco: Ron...don't...don't you CARE?
Ron: Huh?
Seamus: Alright!
Ron: Of course I do!
Seamus: *lifts Harry* Ron, your boyfriend is HEAVY!
Ron: I'll take him, thanks.
Seamus: Have fun.
Hermione: Oh bloody hell you wimpy men! *helps Ron*
Seamus: Sorry, I'm not butch like you, Herm.
Hermione: I'm not butch, I have actual muscle mass... unlike you, you fucking pussy.
Ron: Herm, maybe it's time to drink some decaf.
Harry: *muttering incoherently*
Hermione: ... Maybe I should avoid the Dragon Brew I nicked off of Neville.... where if ol' Nev anyway?
Ron: Pomfrey hauled him off to St. Mungo's.
Seamus: Yeah.
Hermione: .. makes sense
Seamus: He was beginning to turn into a weird creature-thing and hiss and molest my leg.
Hermione: Aw, he just likes you . . . he likes you a lot.
Harry: *starts to cry again*
Ron: *hugs Harry*
Hermione: *pets Harry*
Ron: *starts to sing lullabyes*
Hermione: Did anybody kick Draco out?
Ron: I thought you did.
Hermione: Aw shit.
Seamus: Nobody loves me. Or Draco. Or the trashcan.
Hermione: I JUST SAID THAT SEAMUS LIKED YOU, YOU LUMMOX!
Ron: Uh.. you mean Neville.
Hermione: ..Sorry, yes, I'm just a litttle flustered. So, Draco's the only one unloved.
Seamus: Yes, I can see. True.
Hermione: Well, me too.
Seamus: And he deserves it.
Hermy: sigh. I'll kick him out. *hauls out bloody whip*
Ron: This is the most twisted love triangle I have EVER seen.
Seamus: You deserve it too. Oh, Hermy brought out the whip! I thought your dominatrix days were over, dear.
Hermy: *threatens to turn whip on Seamus*
Seamus: Eek! no more to be said from me!
Ron: More like a love decahedron, really.
Hermy: *goes to chase out Draco* Here Malfoy Malfoy Malfoy...
Draco: I'm leaving! I'm leaving! *flees room, sobbing*
Ron: AND STAY OUT, YOU CAD!
Hermy: *put whip away* *eyes seamus evilly*
Draco: Eep! Please, you don't need to include me in your whipping fetish!
Hermy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!
Ron: Me too!
Hermy: *tosses Draco out on ass*
Seamus: Oh, he dissapeared o_o
Ron: Good. *goes back to fussing over Harry*
Seamus: Poor Harry.
Hermy: Well, I guess the rest of the classes today are cancelled, the entire teacher body working on the head and all.
Ron: *gulp* What do you mean, 'working?' They're not... dissecting it, are they?
Hermy: Figuring out where it came from and if it's authentic.
Seamus: That's gross, Ron
Ron: I sure hope it's not authentic... I don't want to see Harry cry anymore!
Hermy: I sent the mirror over too.
Ron: Just where did that head come from, anyway? I thought he disappeared through the veil.
Hermy: I wish I knew...
Seamus: I wouldn't know. I was kinda spacing at that time.
Ron: Were you even there?
Seamus: I'm...not quite sure.
Hermy: There's still the wrapping paper!
Ron: What about it?
Hermy: It had that hand writing I couldn't read!
Ron: So what good is it if you can't read it?
Hermy: I wasn't trying too hard the first time!
Ron says: Seamus, you were not there!
Hermy: *runs towards trash*
Seamus: I wasn't? Oh, alright.
Hermy: *furiously studies paper* ... shit...
Ron: What?
Hermy: It doesn't mean anything, but if you rearrange the letters... 'love, Voldemort'
Ron: *whine*
Harry: *sits upright* GYAAA!
Hermy: Shit.
Ron: Harry!
Seamus: Harry! you're awake!
***
It cuts off kind of suddenly right there. I don't remember what that was all about.
Marie - Harry, Ron
Delaney - Seamus, Draco
This session was a bit interesting because Delaney's internet connection kept cutting out. I left in the very beginning, when we were getting into character, because it amuses me.
***
Dumbledore: D, pick a character
Harry: ...
Seamus: Seamus
Dumbledore: and get to the great hall
Seamus: internet logged me off
Harry: isn't seamus a character?
Seamus: alright
Seamus: XD
Dumbledore: well, ready y'all?
Seamus: *nod*
Harry: my face seems to be on straight
Dumbledore: Good morning harry, I thought I 'd best catch you before your first class, I have some news concerning your elf.
Harry: Er... my elf? Oh, him.
Dumbledore: Well, I've talked it over with him, and it seems that he'll be staying here for a while.
Seamus: Elf? Harry? You have an elf?
Harry: Well, sort of... we let him sleep in your bed, I hope you don't mind.
Seamus: You let him sleep in my bed? And ... you never told me? Why don't you ever tell me ANYTHING? Bastard.
Harry: You missed the freaking train!
Dumbledore: Well, it turns out the Lupin was very interested in enlisting this elf as his assistant.
Seamus: Yeah, so? You still leave me out on...stuff!
Harry: Show up on time and I won't have to! *pffft*
Seamus: Ooh, is he pretty, Professor Dumbledore?
Harry: *sighs wistfully*
Ron: *elbows harry* Hey!
Dumbledore: I trust you won't miss your first class, potions... I believe.
Seamus: Oh, shove a cock in your mouth, golden boy. Hmph.
Ron: *blushes*
Dumbledore: I.. will dismiss myself
Harry: ... what about the information?
Seamus: Potions? Bleh.
Hermione: You heard him Harry, the elf will be staying here.
Seamus: Not in my bed! Bastard, Harry.
Harry: Yeah, but I was expecting background info or something. *to Seamus* You weren't using it.
Seamus: Who is this elf guy anyway?
Harry: Well, we don't know. Neville summoned him from a circle of blood.
Seamus: What...what if he soiled my sheets though? He probably made them smell all elfy!
Hermione: Well, his name is legolas..
Harry: I'm not sure that's a bad thing...
Hermione: Whe elf, that is.... he told me earlier this morning in the common room, before I took him to see Dumbledore.
Seamus: Oh? Herm, you getting hot and heavy with the elf?
Harry: She's got no one else.
Hermione: What! No! I didn't do anything!
Harry: Weren't you complaining last night you were the only one in Gryffindor not getting laid?
Hermione: I only escorted him to the head office...
Seamus: Sure. Liar.
Harry: With your tongue!
Hermione: hmph. what!
Seamus: Harry, you've gained my respect once again! *assslap*
Hermioon: *shoots evil glare at all involved*
Ron: Hey! Keep your hands off my man, Finnegan!
Seamus: Eh, whatever. I'm leaving.
Hermione: *whispering* Harry, Snape is glaring at you again.
Harry: Would he be doing anything else?
Hermione: Well, no. Shit, it's Draco.
Draco: *walk over* *pulls Hermione aside* *waves nude Harry pictures in front of face* WHAT ARE THESE?
Harry: oh.. uh...
Hermione: ah... er..
Harry: ahem.. Where did you get those, exactly?
Hermione: Harry! I only gave him the leather ones!
Harry: Are you sure those are the only ones you took?
Draco: I wanted RON pictures, not HARRY pictures
Harry: Hey!
Hermione: I've never been in the boy's dorm after dark! I've never had an opportunity to take those...
Draco: And don't you even think of charging me extra!
Ron: What?
Hermione: ... is that a birhtmark? *takes picture*
Ron: Hey! Geroff!
Hermione: *notices time*
Draco: So...uh...Ron...I know you're poor and all... but, wanna go out to the Three Broomsticks with me sometime?
Hermione: Oh! It's time for class!
Ron: Excuse me, NO!
Harry: Go find your own!
Draco: You break my heart.
Hermione: *rushes off to potions class*
Draco: Potions? Potions? Oh goody! *skips*
Harry: Look at him go!
Draco: I can't wait to see Snape! He's the only one that understands me...
Snape: *glides off to potions class*
Harry: What is this, the ice capades?
Seamus: *slides by on skates*
Neville: *looks furtive* Pst... Seamus, can I sit next to you in class?
Seamus: Sure, Nev. Whatever.
Neville: *grabs Seamus and drags off to potions class*
Harry: Oh dear.
Neville: *sits down in potions class near back*
Seamus: *sits down next to* Nev, you have a painful grip. Ow.
Harry: *sits down with Ron and Hermy a safe distance from Neville*
Neville: *shirnks into chair as Sanpe enters room, hides behind Seamus*
Seamus: What do I look like, a fucking bodyguard?
Snape: Turn to page 123.
Draco: Snapey! *waves*
Harry: *flip flip flip*
Draco: *turns to page obediently*
Harry: *flips off Draco*
Draco: *blows kiss at Ron*
Harry: Grrr..
Snape: Class, today we are working on a very simple potion.
Harry: A screwdriver?
Snape: *glares at Potter*
Harry: *grins innocently*
Snape: We are working on a silence brew. Perfect for drugging students. *lists steps and ingredients on board* After you are finished, you may leave early. Except YOU, Harry.
Harry: Oh, bugger.
Draco: Hmm...*glances at Ron*
Neville: *promptly blows up cauldron*
Ron: *to harry* I'll wait outside the door... hurry, please.
Neville: *sneaks out*
Draco: NEVILLE'S ESCAPING!
Hermione: *throws rotting newt at Draco*
Harry: Score!
Draco: *doesn't notice* Hm...something smells odd...
Snape: Mr Potter!
Harry: I didn't do it!
Snape: You are not to disrupt my class.
Draco: Potter did it! He's jealous!
Harry: I did not!
Draco: Liar. Ron loves me. So you made my hair smell bad. *Still not noticing newt*
Snape: Potter *leans closer* I despise every inch of you down to you long, black eyelashes and... *notices class is watching him* *looks for someone to blame*
Ron: *seething*
Seamus: Ick, prof., don't snog 'im
Harry: Please.
Snape: *squeeks* I don't even like his hot little behind! *turns pale* CLASS DISSMISSED!
Harry says: Whew!
Seamus: Hm...Snape was acting weird, wasn't he Nev- hey, where did he go? *leaves potions*
Hermione: Harry, don't forget to fill us in on the details of what Snape wants you for.
Draco: If Snape seduces Potter...Ron will be mine. ALL MINE!
Harry: Don't count on it, snowball.
Hermione: Good luck, Harry. *leaves Harry to his fate*
Harry: Hey!
Snape: *looking as if nothing happened* Mr Potter, up front, if you will.
Harry: *walks nervously to the front of the room*
Draco: *hiding under desk*
Snape: Now... Potter *trying not to even look at Harry* I understand you were very close to ..Black.
Harry: mm hmm.
Snape: I need you to tell me, did he give you anything?
Harry: *suspicious* Like what, exactly?
Snape: I need close personal belongings of his for a spell.
Harry: What kind of spell?
Snape: ... None of your business, Potter.
Harry: Before I give you anything, I'm going to need to know what the spell is. Assuming I have anything of his, that is.
Snape: *spins around to face Potter* Resurrection, Potter, I plan to ressurect Sirius Black, to summon him back from the veil.
Harry: .....you....wha......why?
Snape: *suddenly very defensive* itsnotlikei'mtryingtogetintoyourpants! ...
Harry: ....
Snape: ... or anything.. *coughs*
Harry: Come on, professor. you know that's not going to happen.
Snape: I have full confidence in my ability to resurrect Black.
Harry: I thought you hated his guts.
Snape: Provided you can provide something personal of his.
Harry: *sobbing* Or do you just want to bring him back so you can kill him yourself this time?
Snape: If you wish it, he can stay dead.
Harry: I'll get my mirror
Snape: *moves in to comofort Harry*
Draco: *watching from under desk*
Snape: There there, Potter.
Ron: *bursts in the door* GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM, YOU WANKER!
Draco: *stands up* YOU RUINED IT!
Snape: Fifty Points from Gryffindor Weasley!
Ron: That's my Potter!
Harry: My Wheezy!
Draco: *gags*
Snape: Bring the mirror to me tommorrow, Potter.
Harry: *sniff* Okay. *walks toward Ron*
Snape: Draco, I must have a few words with you.
Draco: Okay?
Snape: What, exactly, did you overhear? *fingers wand threateningly*
Draco: *twiddles thumbs* Why nothing, professor Snape.
Snape: *whips out wand and starts the memory charm*
Draco: Okay, so you're planning on bringing Sirius Black back to life and getting into Potter's pants, which I fully support.
Snape: Well, are you capable of NOT telling anyone?
Draco: Well...let's see....how much money are you willing to give me to keep my mouth shut?
Snape: ... *whispers* I have these bubblebath pictures of Ron that Ms Granger accidentaly sent to me.
Draco: Alright, hand them over and your secret shall be revealed to no one.
Snape: *hands over large manila folder stuffed to bursting*
Harry: (bloody hell)
Draco: Oh, score! *rubs hands together gleefully and runs off with folder*
Snape: Well now, I expect you have somewhere else to be, immidiately. Unless, harry, you wish to continue our discussion
Harry: *scram*
Hermione: *waiting to meet up with Harry and Ron*
Harry: *arrives, slightly pale*
Seamus: Hi everyone! *bounces over*
Hermione: *sitting in front of fire in common room* Harry, you don't look well.
Harry: Well, Snape's trying to seduce me by offering to bring Sirius back to life. Should I trust him?
Hermione: Well, He is in the order of the pheonix
Seamus: I say you should. I mean, hey, it's free sex.
Harry: What?! Oy...
Hermione: *blushes*
Ron: *slightly angry* It's not like he's paying ME for it.
Hermione: You boys... *rushes from room to protect 'innocent'ears*
Seamus: Oh, Ron, get over it. Everyone in the school wants Harry. You'll have to get used to it sometime. NotthatIlikehimoranything
Neville: *quietly* I don't want Harry.
Harry: Can't anybody get it into their heads I've already got one?
Neville: *looses maniacal look when gazes wistfully at Seamus* Sigh.
Seamus: You've got one? One what?
Harry: ...
Neville: He means sex toy.
Harry: Well, I wouldn't put it quite that way...
Seamus: Oh, right.
Neville: *looks startled* SHIT!
Seamus: Well, what's the fun in just having ONE sex toy? *winkwinknudgenudgeharry*
Harry: What!
Ron says: *growl*
Neville: My RING!
Harry: wedidn'ttakeit!
Neville: I've lost my ring!
Seamus: Ring?
Neville: My... PRECIOUS! NOOO!
Seamus: Nev, is it just me, or is your skin a little bit green?
Harry: Yeah, and your eyes are a little weird.
Neville: *acts hysterical, then glomps onto Seamus's leg* Nooooo!
Seamus: Nev, you're growing a bald spot! I think this ring-thing is going too far with you. Perhaps you should go to wizarding rehab.
Neville: *sniff* *curls up around Seamus's legs and sniffs himself to sleep*
Harry: I really think we should take him to St. Mungo's.
Seamus: Aw. He's like a puppy. with green skin, a bald spot and buggy eyes. I agree.
Neville: *gets taken off to St. Mungo's by Madam Pomfry*
Harry: Wow, that was quick.
Legolas: ...Excuse me..
Harry: Oh! This is our elf.
Seamus: Elf! He's...pretty.
Legolas: *looks shyly indignant at being called somebody's elf* I was looking for the boy who summoned me.
Harry: Oh.. He.. left.
Legolas: Oh. Could someone tell me what happened last night?
Harry: As far as we know, you were summoned. And that's about it.
Seamus: I missed the train. You have a nice bum. Marry me, elf?
Legolas: ...
Harry: Perhaps he's already engaged.
Legolas: The truth is, I came in here to escape a gaggle of twelve-year-old girls.
Harry: Uh oh.
Legolas: ... and you defense teacher.
Harry: You know... this is a school.
Legolas: Your Professor Lupin is a fast runner.
Harry: Lupin's a good werewolf as long as he takes his potion.
Seamus: He's so fuzzy. Like a sasquatch.
Legolas: Uh. *shivers at sasquatch memory*
Harry: I bet Sirius used to pet him when he turned into a wolf.... *sob*
Legolas: Sirius?
Harry: My godfather. Used to be, anyway.
Legolas: Ah.
Seamus: He was a washed out hippy Eh.
Legolas: ...
Harry: HE WAS NOT!
Legolas: *backs away from Seamus to avoid enraged Harry*
Seamus: Eep, don't hurt me, man!
Legolas: Um, perhaps I should leave.
Harry: Uou don't have to... you weren't insulting members of my adopted family like some people I could mention!
Legolas: Wait.... you look familiar.... have you ever worn leather?
Seamus: Harry...you're...adopted?
Harry: *rounds on Hermione* Who else did you send pictures to? No, I'm not adopted!
Seamus: *hides folder of pictures*
Hermy: *hiding out of room*
Harry: Oh shit... not everybody knows about Sirius, do they?
Seamus: The hippy-thing? Or the godfather thing?
Harry: The innocent thing.
Legolas: *gracefully walks over to door and peeks head out*
Seamus: Shit, he was innocent? No one ever tells me ANYTHING! *angst*
Legolas: *slips out door*
Draco: *hiding outside Gryffindor portal* Hey! You're an elf!
Legolas: *startled* Harry, there is a student hiding out here.
Harry: Who?
Draco: *hides behind trashcan*
Harry: Hey, where'd that trash can come from?
Legolas: He is very pale.
Draco: I'm just a trashcan! Go back to your room!
Harry: Hey Seamus, when did we get a trashcan?
Draco: But, Ron should come out here! Throw something away!
Seamus: We got a trashcan?
Harry: That voice! Where have I heard that voice?
Seamus: Score! We have a trashcan!
Legolas: *slips outside when no one is looking*
Hermione: *come into room with arms full of rash* Hmmmm... Harry, Ron, Seamus, I have here all the pictures I've taken, I'm perfectly willing to burn them if you want, or I could throw them in that
trashcan over there. Your choice.
Harry: I think I'd rather you burn them.
Seamus: I wouldn't mind having some of them...
Harry: Mind you don't leave them laying around the castle.
Hermione: *lets Seamus sort through pics, then burns rest*
"trashcan": What do you think you're DOING?
Harry: Who said that?
Hermione: ... Oh!* save photo from fire* Where'd I get this one? *looking at S&M Snape*
"trashcan": I want some pictures too! Or give some to Draco! Yes, Draco should have the pictures!
Harry: Blimey! Who else is that with him?
Seamus: *wipes drool from mouth*
Hermione: ... Must have traded Ginny for this.
Harry: *choke*
Ron: You got that from Ginny?
Hermione: ...*very quickly* No! ... I ment... um... Ginni from the village...
Seamus: Are the Gryffindors girls dorms some kind of underground porn trading system?
Hermione: ...
Ron: Only of Gryffindor boys.
Hermione: Uh, no? ... and not only Gryffindors...
Harry: Who takes these for you? Colin Creevey?
Hermy: God no. I've got a pretty extensive network. Ever since that leather picture, I've been discovering many trustworthy contacts.
Seamus: I'm impressed! *pats herm on the back* Keep up the good work, porn wench!
Harry: Hey, these are pretty good... say, do you think you could do me and Ron sometime? I mean, with our knowledge.
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermione: *glows with pride*
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Harry: (Van helsing preview!)
Seamus: (sorry, internet disconnected!)
Hermione: I even got a jell-o shot photo of Draco for McGonagall's personal collection.
Harry: McGonagall's in on this too?
Hermione: She turns her back.
"Trashcan" says: Throw that picture of Draco away RIGHT NOW!
Harry: Hang on, let me see that... I think I'll use this for future blackmail.
Hermione: *hands photo of Snape to Harry* I promise to stop sending around pictures of you, Harry.
Harry: Hey, I wanted the Draco one.
Seamus: But...I want more pictures...
Hermione: The Draco is in McGonagall's hands.
Harry: Aww.
Hermione: Well seamus, there are still the other camrea women in my network. They might be stalking Harry, why, he's a cash cow, his pictures alone have made me a fortune.
Harry: *grins broadly*
Seamus: Oh, great! So...eh...you wanna introduce me to these photographing ladies anytime soon, Herm?
Hermione: I'm sorry, I keep their names confidential. But I can snag their pics. I run the trade ring.
Harry: You pimp, you!
Hermione: I'm even starting to reach Hogsmeade. ...sigh.. a pimp with no lovin'.
Harry: *pats her on shoulder* We'll find you one yet.
Hermione: Sigh.
Seamus: Sasquatch?
Harry: ...
Hermione: What!
Harry: Yes Seamus. A sasquatch.
Hermione: Eww! EWW!
Harry: I was joking, Hermione.
Hermione: That just seems too like Hagrid.
Seamus has left the conversation.
Harry: Damn! he keeps popping in and out of existence!
Hermione: I wish I knew that spell
Harry: You'd have to pass a test to do it legally.
Hermione: Sigh. So, you think I should get into this professionally? The whole exotic photo trade?
Harry: Oh, definitely. Witch weekly would love this stuff.
Hermione: Hmm, well, at least for a few years as a side job.... could I get your autograph on one of the leather pictures?
Harry: No problem. Say, if you ever start your own magazine or something... could I be the first centerfold?
Hermione: Sweet! I'll cut you in on 25% sales price.
Harry: Woo!
Hermione: *startled by an owl that drops a letter in her lap*
Harry: Eh? What's that?
Hermione: *examines package* The handwritting is hard to read...
Harry: Open it! Open it!
Hermione: I'll open it. *opens package* *finds small wooden chest* *opens chest* ..Um, Harry, I think this might be for you...
Harry: Oh? What is it?
Hermy: *turns pale*
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Harry: Could you tell me what was in the package?
Seamus: (alright, what happened? My internet died. Again.)
Hermione: *slowly lifts severed head of Sirius*
Harry: *gasp*
Seamus: AUGH! It's a HEAD! (Dude...which head?)
Harry: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!
Hermione: Maybe.. maybe its just an illusion...
Harry: *shaking uncontrollably*
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermione: If not, well its damn well personal enough to work for Snape's spell. *grabs head and rushes from room* I'll take this to Dumbledore, RON STAY WITH HARRY!
Harry: *THUD*
Ron: I don't think I'll need to... But I will anyway.
Hermione: *bursts back in minus head*
Ron: Well?
Hermione: I ran into McGonagall.
Ron: And?
Seamus has been added to the conversation.
Hermione: She's taken the head and called the staff. If all goes well, we should know soon.....
Ron: Should we wake Harry?
Seamus: (sorry >< really hating internet now) Harry? Where did he go?
Ron: He's on the floor
Hermione: Here, let me * produces ice cold cloth from somewhere and nurses Harry's head*
Harry: ....nnnnSIRIUS!! *sits bolt upright*
Hermione: Seamus, would you toss the wrapping into the trash?
Seamus: Oh sure! *takes wrapping and tosses wrapper into trashcan* Funny...I really never noticed this here before. Or the scrawny person hiding behind it
Harry: *starts to cry*
Hermione: Person!
Harry: *sobbing* Who?
Hermione: DRACO!!!!!! *gets VERY peeved*
Harry: Tell him to sod off!
Draco: Pay no attention to the man behind the...trashcan
Hermione: SOD OFF DRACO!
Draco: Geez, what's with you Granger? PMSey enough?
Ginny: *sneeks in ready to oil any male wrestlers and take photos*
Hermione: *Jumps Draco intent on beeting him to a pulp*
Ron: WOO! Go Hermione!
Draco: Ron, love, save me! Oh, my precious Malfoy nose!
Ginny: *sneaks out disappointed*
Ron: Ha!
Hermione: *slaps Draco silly* * gets up on feet and brushes herself off* Hmph!
Draco: Eh
Ron: You go, girl!
Hermione: Ron, Seamus, let's put Harry to bed.
Draco: Ron...don't...don't you CARE?
Ron: Huh?
Seamus: Alright!
Ron: Of course I do!
Seamus: *lifts Harry* Ron, your boyfriend is HEAVY!
Ron: I'll take him, thanks.
Seamus: Have fun.
Hermione: Oh bloody hell you wimpy men! *helps Ron*
Seamus: Sorry, I'm not butch like you, Herm.
Hermione: I'm not butch, I have actual muscle mass... unlike you, you fucking pussy.
Ron: Herm, maybe it's time to drink some decaf.
Harry: *muttering incoherently*
Hermione: ... Maybe I should avoid the Dragon Brew I nicked off of Neville.... where if ol' Nev anyway?
Ron: Pomfrey hauled him off to St. Mungo's.
Seamus: Yeah.
Hermione: .. makes sense
Seamus: He was beginning to turn into a weird creature-thing and hiss and molest my leg.
Hermione: Aw, he just likes you . . . he likes you a lot.
Harry: *starts to cry again*
Ron: *hugs Harry*
Hermione: *pets Harry*
Ron: *starts to sing lullabyes*
Hermione: Did anybody kick Draco out?
Ron: I thought you did.
Hermione: Aw shit.
Seamus: Nobody loves me. Or Draco. Or the trashcan.
Hermione: I JUST SAID THAT SEAMUS LIKED YOU, YOU LUMMOX!
Ron: Uh.. you mean Neville.
Hermione: ..Sorry, yes, I'm just a litttle flustered. So, Draco's the only one unloved.
Seamus: Yes, I can see. True.
Hermione: Well, me too.
Seamus: And he deserves it.
Hermy: sigh. I'll kick him out. *hauls out bloody whip*
Ron: This is the most twisted love triangle I have EVER seen.
Seamus: You deserve it too. Oh, Hermy brought out the whip! I thought your dominatrix days were over, dear.
Hermy: *threatens to turn whip on Seamus*
Seamus: Eek! no more to be said from me!
Ron: More like a love decahedron, really.
Hermy: *goes to chase out Draco* Here Malfoy Malfoy Malfoy...
Draco: I'm leaving! I'm leaving! *flees room, sobbing*
Ron: AND STAY OUT, YOU CAD!
Hermy: *put whip away* *eyes seamus evilly*
Draco: Eep! Please, you don't need to include me in your whipping fetish!
Hermy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!
Ron: Me too!
Hermy: *tosses Draco out on ass*
Seamus: Oh, he dissapeared o_o
Ron: Good. *goes back to fussing over Harry*
Seamus: Poor Harry.
Hermy: Well, I guess the rest of the classes today are cancelled, the entire teacher body working on the head and all.
Ron: *gulp* What do you mean, 'working?' They're not... dissecting it, are they?
Hermy: Figuring out where it came from and if it's authentic.
Seamus: That's gross, Ron
Ron: I sure hope it's not authentic... I don't want to see Harry cry anymore!
Hermy: I sent the mirror over too.
Ron: Just where did that head come from, anyway? I thought he disappeared through the veil.
Hermy: I wish I knew...
Seamus: I wouldn't know. I was kinda spacing at that time.
Ron: Were you even there?
Seamus: I'm...not quite sure.
Hermy: There's still the wrapping paper!
Ron: What about it?
Hermy: It had that hand writing I couldn't read!
Ron: So what good is it if you can't read it?
Hermy: I wasn't trying too hard the first time!
Ron says: Seamus, you were not there!
Hermy: *runs towards trash*
Seamus: I wasn't? Oh, alright.
Hermy: *furiously studies paper* ... shit...
Ron: What?
Hermy: It doesn't mean anything, but if you rearrange the letters... 'love, Voldemort'
Ron: *whine*
Harry: *sits upright* GYAAA!
Hermy: Shit.
Ron: Harry!
Seamus: Harry! you're awake!
***
It cuts off kind of suddenly right there. I don't remember what that was all about.
