Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour 3/17
Dec. 11th, 2007 02:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
st_jane_ambulanceOMG, the internet and phones were down today until after 2:30pm because some idiot hauling a prefabricated house up the road tore down our line.
Oh yeah. And it seems that the Titanic the Tardis crashed into is not "our" Titanic, because it seems to be in space. I think I remember Douglas Adams or somebody wrote a book like that once.
Anyway, here's the next session.
Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour, Part the Third
by Erica, Marie, and Delaney
In which Death Eaters attack, Legs the Elf is not what he appears to be, and Harry gets knocked up.
total of Erica's spelling mistakes corrected (so far): 91
Oh yeah. And it seems that the Titanic the Tardis crashed into is not "our" Titanic, because it seems to be in space. I think I remember Douglas Adams or somebody wrote a book like that once.
Anyway, here's the next session.
Happy Hogwarts Fun Hour, Part the Third
by Erica, Marie, and Delaney
In which Death Eaters attack, Legs the Elf is not what he appears to be, and Harry gets knocked up.
total of Erica's spelling mistakes corrected (so far): 91
Erica - Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Death Eater Bitch, Legs, Colin Creevey, Evil Harry
Marie - Harry, Ron, Lupin
Delaney - Seamus, Draco
Please excuse my tendency for copious amounts of sap and Erica's display of Mary-Suery.
It was always fun when Delaney could participate. The kid is a riot. For some reason, I could see every other character as they are meant to be, except when she plays Seamus, I see Delaney.
***
narrarator: *Harry and friends are gathered in the library. It is the night after Sirius's head has found. Classes are all set to resume tommorrow except potions which will be canceled for the rest of the week*
Hermione: Harry, I got a leeter from Dumbledore explaining the head!
Harry: What did it say?
Seamus: ...What's a leeter, 'mione?
Hermione: Letter, I'm sorry, I got a little excited.
Seamus: Oh? A letter! What's it say?
Harry: What does it say!!
Hermione: The letter said that the head was a very convincing fake!
Harry: *heavy sigh of relief* Thank Godric!
Seamus: Fake? The head was fake?
Hermione: He said it was brilliantly created and looked almost as if it were grown.
Harry: ...Grown? What, like a clone?
Hermione: The only major difference that could be found was that the bones and teeth were much too young. That's about all.
Seamus: Oh. I thought the head was real.
Harry: Who would go through all the trouble of growing a head?
Hermione: Well, it could be a warning.
Harry: Yuh.
Hermione: ...Or meant to mentally screw you over.
Seamus: Maybe to scare Harry?
Harry: Well, it worked
Hermione: I'd say.
Seamus: What if they make another head?
Harry: Why would they make another Sirius head?
Hermione: Would they really pull the same trick twice?
Seamus: Maybe another person's head! Like...RON'S! Wouldn't that be scary, Harry?
Harry: *shudder*
Ron: Yeah, especially since I'm not dead yet.
Hermione: Well, not if Ron is right there helping him open it.
Seamus: You never know. You could be soon.
Harry: No he coudn't! Could you?
Ron: Er...
Hermione says: Oh pish posh, Ron isn't going anywhere.
Ron: Thanks.
Seamus: You never know! So many people love Harry that they're jealous of Ron and would kill him! *shrugs*
Hermione: Now they could always try Neville's head, he's not around.
Harry: That just might be a relief. Considering the way he's been acting lately, you know.
Hermione: But what I'm worried about is if they try a full person, not just a head.
Harry: Could they even fit a whole person into a box that size?
Seamus: They could always bend the person.
Hermione: Would you have to?
Seamus: It would be like a Jack in the Box!
Hermione: Nev in the box.
Harry: Nah, it'd probably just be his ring finger.
Hermione: I wonder what other body parts could be cloned...
Harry: Feet.
Seamus: Feet? What about eyeballs?
Harry: Maybe.
Hermione: What would you do with feet?
Harry: I dunno. Kick somebody, I suppose. What do you do with just a head?
Hermione: Scare somebody?
Harry: You can scare people with feet.
Seamus: Yes.
Hermione: It depends on how you use them I suppose.
Harry: Especially if they're smelly.
Seamus: I'd be scared if I found some feet lying around. Yes.
Harry: Look, this isn't getting us anywhere.
Seamus: Or wearing ugly socks. It's pretty interesting though!
Colin Creevy: *bursts in door* THEY'RE COMING! HARRY THEY'RE COMING!!!! DEATH EATERS!! *ducks under table
Harry: GYAAH!! WHERE?!!
Seamus: WHERE? WHERE?
Harry: *pats himself for his wand*
Seamus: And Col, WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE PORTAL OPEN?
Hermione: *Gets hit by hex as Death Eaters burst through doors, falls down*
Harry: Hermione!!
Seamus: Hermione! Well...shit *runs upstairs to dorm*
Harry: *turns to Death Eaters* Stupefy!
Hermione: * dodges while lacky gets hit*
Ron: Dammit Seamus! You're in Gryffindor, you coward!
Death Eater Bitch: I thought we were in the library! *hint hint to all those who weren't listening to the narrarator*
Harry: (you've still got the big G on)
Death Eater Bitch: (oops) *lunges at Harry*
Seamus: *isn't in dorm, but hiding under tables and a pile of books*
Harry: Gaah! *tries to duck out of the way*
Seamus: Harry, fight 'em! Go Harry!
Harry: Expelliarmus!
Death Eater Bitch: *scratches Harry's head but looses center of balance and topples out of window* SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Take that, Death Witch!
Seamus: Yay Harry! You're my hero!
Death Eater lacky: *tries to cast spell, gets hit from behind by recovering Hermy* *thud*
Harry: How the bloody hell did they get in here?
Ron: Yeah, past Madame Pince and all.
Hermy: I don't know...
Seamus: I don't know. Help me out? I'm stuck under these books.
Hermy: Ow *rubs sore hex mark*
Harry: *yanks Seamus out from under books* Thanks Seamus. You were a fat load of help.
Seamus: Thank you Harry! You're my hero! Hey, no problem!
Hermy: *stands up* Where are the teachers?
Harry: That's a damn good question.
Seamus: Did they...get transported to another dimension?
Hermy: *peeks out door* Is that Lupin coming down the hall?
Harry: *peeks out, head just above Hermy's* Looks like it.
Seamus: Maybe it's someone DISGUISED as Lupin?
Lupin says: Are you all right??
Hermy: *looks frustrated and flaunts spell wound* DOES IT BLOODY LOOK LIKE WE'RE ALLRIGHT!?
Lupin: Is anyone *seriously* hurt?
Seamus: Well...I think one of the books might've given me a bruise...
Hermy: *looks like about ready to seriously hurt someone*
Ron: Lucky that's all they gave you
Dumbledore: Oh dear, it seems like they reached here too!
Harry: Professor, how did they get IN here?
Seamus: Dumbledore? Where'd you come from?
Dumbledore: *casts binding spell on unconscious Eeath Eater* They arrived in force, somewhat like a broom calvary. The leader seems to have been using them for cannon fodder.
Harry: But how did they get in the school? Aren't there protection charms and stuff?
Seamus: Yeah! Protection charms!
Dumbledore: We're still working on that,
Seamus: Maybe...could someone have let them in?
Harry: Oh..
Dumbledore: I have a feeling that Neville must somehow have negated the charms when he pulled professor Legolas through to this world.
Harry: Damn!
Lupin: I picked a helluva year to come back.
Seamus: Way to go, Lupin.
Dumbledore: *pulls death eater away* Any more here?
Harry says: There's one outside the window.
Dumbledore: *looks outside window* Dear me, she seems to have escaped!
Harry: Damn!
Dumbledore: *removes Death Eater*
Hermy: Aw fuck *rubs hex mark*
Lupin: Maybe you sould go see madame Pomfrey.
Hermy: *eyes lupin* So I hear you've been harassing Legolas..
Lupin: What? That wasn't me!
Hermy: *trying to distract Lupin from sending her to hospital wing* Oh, are you another Harry chaser?
Lupin: I was only running a few tests.... what? Who's chasing Harry?
Hermy: Tests?
Harry:: Apparently everyone.
Hermy: Except Draco.
Lupin: To find out where he came from, if he was really an elf... things like that. Madame Pomfrey was there the whole time. I never did anything unbecoming! Poor elf. He 's been through a lot, being transported through time and space takes a lot out of you.
Hermy: ... I wonder what link this attack has with the head...
Lupin: What head?
Hermy: Sirius's head.
Lupin: ... *wiggles finger in ear* Did you say what I think you said?
Hermy: I mean, it arrives yesterday, then today there is an attack.
Harry: Yes, spooky that.
Hermy: *looks thoughtful* Right, I'll go off to the infirmary. *leaves*
Lupin: What's all this about Sirius' head?
Colin: *looks adorably scared* Whose head?
Harry: It wasn't his real head...
Colin: Was this about the hassle last night? Should I go get Hermione? She knows about these things, right Harry?
Harry: *thinking*
Colin: *looks adorable*
Harry: Sure, if she's got that hex thing all fixed up.
Colin: Did Seamus pass out?
Harry: Did he?
Colin: *gets distracted then wanders off to find Hermione*
Hermy: *comes back looking more self possessed*
Seamus: *passed out*
Hermy: *upends vase of water upon Seamus*
Hermy: You wanted me?
Seamus: Ugh! I'm wet!
Harry: Well, Colin had this idea that all this stuff was having something to do with the hassle yesterday... though which hassle he means I'm not quite sure.
Hermy: Oh, I ran into him when I was running the head over to Proffessor McGonagall's. Why don't we head back to the common room, I hear theres been no disturbances there.
Harry: Oh sure.
Lupin: What about me?
Hermy: *drags Seamus and Lupin to commonroom*
Lupin: And where did Dumbledore go?
Seamus: *is dragged* Ow! My ear!
Lupin: Ow!
Hermy: *pushes sleeping elf off common room couch and sits down*
Lupin: Oh, that poor elf.
Leggy: *mumbles in sleep*
Seamus: You just want to get in his pants.
Leggy: mmm... Faramir...
Lupin: Do you like being pushed off the couch when you're sleeping?
Harry: What's he saying? He's talking in his sleep.
hermy: Well its not like anybody EVER touches me *looks sweet*
Seamus: Haha. Virgin. *points and laughs at mione*
Harry: Wha?
Ron: *poke poke* There, consider yourself touched.
hermy: *looks like is about ready to touch fist acrss Ron's face* Right, now where were we?
Harry: Uh...
hermy: Right, what if the head had a role in the invasion?
Harry: And that other stuff. Whatever it was.
hermy: I don't think anybody checked the head for spells other than how it was constructed. When I first picked the head up, I could have sworn that it blinked.
Harry: Oh, now who would put spells on a head?
Seamus: Maybe it's robotic?
Harry: Did it explode?
hermy: No, it was still intact when I was sent the letter. But what if it was spying, what if somebody was using the eyes?
Seamus: Hmm.
Harry: Erg. That's quite creepy
Seamus: That is.
hermy: I've read about spells where people use the senses of body parts... *goes quiet and looks sidelong at Lupin* ...not that I've been researching necromancy, that magic's illegal.
Lupin: Damn straight it is.
hermy: Well, the head could then be both a mental torment and spy, kinda a double whammy.
Harry: It sure as hell whammied.
Seamus: What's a whammy? *blinks*
Leggy: *Twitches in sleep* *smiles* hmmmm *rolls over and bumps into Seamus*
Harry: Hasn't anyone found him a room yet?
Hermy: I think He's still using one of the dorm beds. Dumbledore keeps forgetting about him.
Seamus: Aww, the elf is rolling on me! *grins*
Harry: Then why was he sleeping on the couch?
Hermy: Guess he just fell asleep here.
Leggy: *stretches*
Lupin: I wonder if we should go somewhere else... it's possible he's listening to us.
Leggy: *giggles and curls up*
Harry: Igh. I hate giggling.
Hermy: I'm starting to wonder what he's dreaming...
Seamus: Aww, hessocute! *pets leggy's hair*
Hermy: *gets profitable business idea* Hmm.
Seamus: *sighs* Not as much as Harry, but close enough.
Leggy: Hey! Nobody insults my cuteness!
Harry: He thinks I'm cuter!
Ron: *glowering at Seamus*
Leggy: *realisess where is* Damn, I was having a great dream. *glowering at Seamus*
Seamus: Aww. I'm sorry, Elf.
Leggy: *gracefully stands up in fluid motion* *looks entirely regal* *strolls away*
Harry: Hmph. Guess he's too good for us.
Hermy: *checks to see if Lupin is watching Leg's ass*
Seamus: He's not as good as Harry. *quick glance* But he's pretty.
Lupin: Who?
Hermy: *wondering if Lupin is, perhaps, the one straight males in the whole damn castle*
Lupin: I miss Sirius.
Hermy: Damn!
Seamus: Mione cussed!
Lupin: What's wrong, Hermione? *innocently*
Hermy: *goes back to wondering if elf would pose for photos*
Harry: Anyway... what were we discussing again?
Seamus: I...don't remember
Hermy: I was telling Lupin he should check the head for spells.
Lupin: *looks frightened* I don't know if I'm up to that...
Hermy: *looks at Lupin, then shoos him out of the common room* Well see if McGonagall will, she's got more balls than the rest of you.
Lupin: *muttering* Yeah, well she wasn't shagging him, was she? *leaves the room*
Hermy: God, its a wonder that any of the magic kind manages to reproduce the way that you wizards go after it...
Ron: Well...
Hermy: Like fucking bunnies.. literally! Except bunnies actually cross gender lines! *shivers* if Pansy propositions me one more time I'm going to feed her to the giant squid!
Ron: *very quietly* wizardsdontalwaysneedtocrossgenderlines
Harry: WHAT?!!
Hermy: *looks very quietly at Ron*
Seamus: Eh?
Ron: *blush* Nothing...
Hermy: *looks thoughtful* *cracks up* Ron! don't tell me Harry knocked you up! *snickers
Harry: *cough* Other way 'round, I'm afraid.
Hermy: I always thought that that spell was a joke! *guffaws*
Harry: So did we.
Hermy: Oh this is rich! I can't wait for Snape to find out!
Harry: I've been trying not to think about it.
Hermy: ... Not that I would tell him without your permision.
Harry: *glare*
Hermy: *tryig not to break out laughing* Have you told your parents yet Ron?
Ron: Are you joking? My mother would have kittens!
Hermy: *suddenly serious* What are you going to do with the child?
Ron: ...Well, raise it, I guess...
Hermy: Well, if you don't want your family to find out, I can front you as much money as you need.
Harry: That's all right. Where did Seamus get to again?
Hermy: ! I hope he isn't off tattling!
Harry: *puts head in hands and moans*
Hermy: I know several morning sickness spells...well, prevention spells.
Harry: *perks ears* I'm listening.
Hermy: Some of the girls in my ring aren't very careful. *rushes up to room, returns to commonroom*
Harry: I was actually groaning at the prospect of all the Slytherin house finding out about this, but that would help too.
Hermy: Here, I've compiled a book. *hand book*
Harry: That was quick.
Hermy: I've got it on hand to watch after my girls.... never thought I'd watch over my boys..
Ron: Hermione, that's one hell of a dangerous business you're running.
Hermy: No, my girls aren't turning any tricks, except for their own amusment.
Ron: Seems like that's pretty often if you've gone and compiled a handbook.
Hermy: But, I invest in them as photographers and distributers, it pays to keep them safe. Just once was enough to get me on standby. I like to be prepared.
Harry: Which one was that, out of curiosity?
Hermy: Now now, like I said... confidentiality.. *coughs*Lavender!*coughs*
Harry : No! Really?
Hermy: You did notice how pudgy she was getting by the end of last year, right?
Harry: Now that you mention it...I'm not going to get fat, am I?
Seamus: Harry's pregnant?
Hermy: Well, how does this spell work?
Harry: Welcome to the party, Seamus!
Seamus: Sorry, I was away. Eating cookies. Or something.
Hermy: Wxtra dimension, right?
Seamus: Certainly not plotting how to get into Harry or the elf's pants. Of course.
Ron: Yeah, dimension. Helps quite a bit, I hear.
Harry: *whew*
Hermy: Well, I think then that there's weight gain from food but not baby.
Harry: Good. Maybe Slytherin doesn't have to find out.
Hermy: Seamus, you've got to swear not to tell anyone.
Harry: Please!! *doe eyes*
Seamus: You mean...you ARE pregnant?
Harry: mm.
Hermy: Apparently. Well, I think we can keep it quiet, we just need to find out what to do with the child when it's born.
Seamus: AW! Name it after me!
Ron: Well... I guess my parents wouldn't mind... once they get through killing me, that is.
Hermy: You might be able to convince my parents...but yours are family.
Seamus: Why would your parents kill you, Ron? I mean, isn't the rest of your family as gay as day? Look at Bill, he has long hair and an earring. Or is that Charlie...eh, you're all too much alike for me.
Hermy: *staring wide-eyed at portal* Holy shit...
Ron: What?
Seamus: Huh? More Death Eaters? SAVE THE BABY!
other Harry: *starring at harry* Uh.
Harry: *expletive deleted*
other Harry: *looks furtive rubs scar on forehead*
Seamus: Two...Harrys? Both...so sexy...I mean...
Ron: *speechless*
other Harry: *looks very confused*
Seamus: Identical!
Ron: Clo... clone?
Hermy: Their scars are off, the other one's is larger... Stay here! *runs off to fetch teacher*
Seamus: You're a nerd.
Harry 2: *looks worried*
Seamus: *Pokes Harry clone* Who are you, really?
Harry: *looks more worried*
Harry 2: I'm Harry Potter. Don't you know me Seamus?
Harry: Yeah, when's your birthday?
Harry 2: over summer break
Harry: What day?
Harry 2: *trying to very hard to remember* I... don't ... know...
Seamus: Where did you come from?
Harry: Ha! July 31!
Seamus: Do you wanna dance? Will you marry me?
Harry 2: Sounds familiar...no! I don't swing that way!
Seamus: Augh- you mean you're STRAIGHT? *shudders*
Hermy: *perks*
Harry: That proves you're not me! That and the birthday thing.
Seamus: Yeah. Weirdo.
Ron: A straight Harry... *shudder*
Harry 2: But... who am I?
Harry: Yeah, who the hell are you?
Harry 2: Is he Evil Harry?
Harry: I most certainly am not!
Hermy: No... that doesn't sound right...
Harry: I fought those Death Eaters, didn't I? Ron, Hermione, you were there? Have I ever left your sight?
Evil Harry: How did iget here?
Seamus: I wasn't there! I'm so confused! But I know you're real. because you're pregnant with Ron's lovechild!
Harry: *tryng to remember when someone could have gotten a sample of his DNA*
Evil Harry: Guys don't get pregnant.
Harry: Hey, that Death Eater scratched me when she fell out of the window!
Evil Harry: Mona?
Harry: Who?
Evil Harry: Mona Halfpenny, she called herself a death eater, and she was pretty bruised up.
Harry: How do you know her?
Evil Harry: She's the first person I remember seeing really...
Ron: He's a clone, all right!
Evil Harry: I don't really know.
Lupin: *bursts into the common room* What the...
Seamus: I'm so confused!
Evil Harry: *startled* ARG!
Lupin: Why are there two of you?
Evil Harry: I DON'T KNOW! *really confused*
Lupin: Where's Hermione?
Evil Harry: Here.
Ron: I thought she went to get a teacher.
Seamus: Me too!
Hermy: I followed him back *gestures to Lupin*
Seamus: ARE YOU A HERMIONE CLONE? Oh.
Hermy: He beat me here. What are we going to name him? Are we going to keep him?
Harry: I don't think so!
Evil Harry: I'm not some damn pet!
Snape: *bursts in* What the...
Seamus: Snape!
Snape: *gets look of sheer bliss at sight of two Harrys* *passes out*
Lupin: Damn... I was going to send him to get Dumbledore.
Seamus: No! Snape! We need a teacher!
Lupin: *prods Snape with foot*
Evil Harry: ...
Seamus: *throws evil Harry on Snape*
Evil Harry: Hey! That wasn't nice! That was MEAN!
Seamus: Aw. Poor you.
Snape: *revived* Lupin, I demand to know what's going on here!
Lupin: I don't think I know any more than you do.
Snape: *keeps eyeing two Harrys*
Seamus: Ew. Pedophile. *looks away*
Snape: *turns and leaves*
Evil Harry: So... what's happening?
Lupin: I hope you're getting Dumbledore! Oh, I am so lost...
Evil Harry: *whistles aimlessly*
Dumbledore: *walks in* I have just been informed of a most curious turn of events.
Seamus: Dumbledore!
Dumbledore says: Yes?
Seamus: You're...here...
Dumbledore: *eyes two Harrys*
Lupin: Please tell us what's going on!
Dumbledore: Well, it appears that there are two Harrys. *pulls out wand*
Seamus: No, really.
Dumbledore: *mumbles spell and taps evil Harry on head* *glows green* Well, he seems to be built the same way that the head was. *casts few more spells*
Seamus: How very strange!
Lupin: But who would do such a thing?
Seamus: The elf!
Harry: Damn!
Dumbledore: *pulls down nape of evil Harry's shirt to display partial Death Eater tattoo*
Harry: *gasp*
Dumbledore: It appears that Voldemort, or one of his supporters, is trying to replace Mr Potter with a more controllable version. But his, well programing doesn't seem to be complete.
Harry: Yeah, he didn't even know my birthday!
Seamus: Yeah! and he was STRAIGHT! That was crazy!
Evil Harry: I didn't say I was straight, I said I didn't swing that way.
Hermy says: *rolls eyes*
Seamus: Difference is?
Harry: Yeah?
Hermy: Maybe he doesn't swing towards horny little Scottish toads.
Dumbledore: *clears throat*
Harry: I thought Finnigan was Irish.
Seamus: I am.
Dumbledore: He also doesn't appear to have any spell cast on him.
Seamus: Maybe he doesn't swing towards horny Scottish toads. But who can resist teh IRISH? *poses*
Dumbledore: *takes quick snapshot* Fortunately I know where this second Harry comes from! Hagrid came in a while earlier and said he caught a Death Eater working on an unconscious Harry, it appears that her work was incomplete.
Harry: What kind of work?
Seamus: Ooh? A her?
Dumbledore: I would guess she was constructing his memories and such.
Harry: Well, she didn't do such a good job.
Dumbledore: She was interupted by Hagrid.
Seamus: How would she know all of Harry's memories? Was she stalking him? And Harry, how could you NOT notice her stalking you?
Harry: Who isn't?
Dumbledore: I will take this second Harry for further tests, but as it is, it appears we may have another Potter running around school.
Harry: Unless... she was disguised as somebody else!
Dumbell: Well, at least for as long as he lasts, the Sirius head is decaying very quickly..
Seamus: Maybe! Or maybe it was a man that looked like a woman! THE ELF!
Lupin: AHA!
Dumbledore: *looks pale*
Lupin: And Longbottom must be part of this as well!
Evil Harry: *dragged away by Dumbledore*
Hermy: Neville's not capable of anything.
Harry: Then who summoned that elf?
Hermy: ...Okay he is capable.
Seamus: Maybe he just doesn't realize his...potential?
Hermy: Are you going sweet on Neville?
Hermy: Perhaps his behavior shows some sort of ... possession or domination spell.
Seamus: (going to bed now. Mom making me get off. night everyone!)
Harry: Imperius Curse, maybe?
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermy: We should send a message to St Mungos to check.
Harry: And tell them to keep him there
Hermy: We shoukd find Legolas.
Ron: And stick him in the dungeon until we know what to do with him.
Hermy: *loudly* Legolas, we need your help down here!
Legs: *comes down* What? Well?
Ron: Who are you, really?
Hermy: *pulls out wand just in case*
Legs: Legolas, prince of Mirkwood.
Ron: Have you come here to clone Harry?
Legs: Huh? *looks innocent* *hand creeps behind back* Why would I want to clone Harry?
Harry: Wands! *whips wand to point at Legs*
Legs: *makes sudden movement*
Harry: *jumps to feet*
Legs: *makes sudden movement*
Harry: *jumps to feet*
Legs: *pulls out knife and lunges at Harry*
Ron: NO! *jumps in front of Harry*
Legs: Die Potter!
Ron: Stupefy!
Legs: *stupified* *thud*
Hermy: *casts spell*
Legs: *face shifts to that of human*
Ron: What the...
Legs: *Death Eater tattoo revealed on arm*
Ron: Who is it?
Hermy: I don't know, we should have Lupin take him to the dungeon.
Hermy: *looks around for Lupin*
Harry: Oh... he seems to have passed out or something.
Lupin: *on the floor*
Hermy: *trys to wake Lupin*
Lupin: *groggily* Wha...
Hermy: Lupin, your assistant is a Death Eater.
Lupin: Oh, holy hell.
Hermy: You'd best take him away.
Lupin: Yeah...okay... *drags unconscious Death Eater out of room*
Ron: *hugs Harry*
Hermy: Well, today has been very long.
Harry:*with very little air* I'll say!
Hermy: You two go to bed, I'll stay up a bit to catch any news.
Harry: 'Kay. *drags Ron upstairs*
Marie - Harry, Ron, Lupin
Delaney - Seamus, Draco
Please excuse my tendency for copious amounts of sap and Erica's display of Mary-Suery.
It was always fun when Delaney could participate. The kid is a riot. For some reason, I could see every other character as they are meant to be, except when she plays Seamus, I see Delaney.
***
narrarator: *Harry and friends are gathered in the library. It is the night after Sirius's head has found. Classes are all set to resume tommorrow except potions which will be canceled for the rest of the week*
Hermione: Harry, I got a leeter from Dumbledore explaining the head!
Harry: What did it say?
Seamus: ...What's a leeter, 'mione?
Hermione: Letter, I'm sorry, I got a little excited.
Seamus: Oh? A letter! What's it say?
Harry: What does it say!!
Hermione: The letter said that the head was a very convincing fake!
Harry: *heavy sigh of relief* Thank Godric!
Seamus: Fake? The head was fake?
Hermione: He said it was brilliantly created and looked almost as if it were grown.
Harry: ...Grown? What, like a clone?
Hermione: The only major difference that could be found was that the bones and teeth were much too young. That's about all.
Seamus: Oh. I thought the head was real.
Harry: Who would go through all the trouble of growing a head?
Hermione: Well, it could be a warning.
Harry: Yuh.
Hermione: ...Or meant to mentally screw you over.
Seamus: Maybe to scare Harry?
Harry: Well, it worked
Hermione: I'd say.
Seamus: What if they make another head?
Harry: Why would they make another Sirius head?
Hermione: Would they really pull the same trick twice?
Seamus: Maybe another person's head! Like...RON'S! Wouldn't that be scary, Harry?
Harry: *shudder*
Ron: Yeah, especially since I'm not dead yet.
Hermione: Well, not if Ron is right there helping him open it.
Seamus: You never know. You could be soon.
Harry: No he coudn't! Could you?
Ron: Er...
Hermione says: Oh pish posh, Ron isn't going anywhere.
Ron: Thanks.
Seamus: You never know! So many people love Harry that they're jealous of Ron and would kill him! *shrugs*
Hermione: Now they could always try Neville's head, he's not around.
Harry: That just might be a relief. Considering the way he's been acting lately, you know.
Hermione: But what I'm worried about is if they try a full person, not just a head.
Harry: Could they even fit a whole person into a box that size?
Seamus: They could always bend the person.
Hermione: Would you have to?
Seamus: It would be like a Jack in the Box!
Hermione: Nev in the box.
Harry: Nah, it'd probably just be his ring finger.
Hermione: I wonder what other body parts could be cloned...
Harry: Feet.
Seamus: Feet? What about eyeballs?
Harry: Maybe.
Hermione: What would you do with feet?
Harry: I dunno. Kick somebody, I suppose. What do you do with just a head?
Hermione: Scare somebody?
Harry: You can scare people with feet.
Seamus: Yes.
Hermione: It depends on how you use them I suppose.
Harry: Especially if they're smelly.
Seamus: I'd be scared if I found some feet lying around. Yes.
Harry: Look, this isn't getting us anywhere.
Seamus: Or wearing ugly socks. It's pretty interesting though!
Colin Creevy: *bursts in door* THEY'RE COMING! HARRY THEY'RE COMING!!!! DEATH EATERS!! *ducks under table
Harry: GYAAH!! WHERE?!!
Seamus: WHERE? WHERE?
Harry: *pats himself for his wand*
Seamus: And Col, WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE PORTAL OPEN?
Hermione: *Gets hit by hex as Death Eaters burst through doors, falls down*
Harry: Hermione!!
Seamus: Hermione! Well...shit *runs upstairs to dorm*
Harry: *turns to Death Eaters* Stupefy!
Hermione: * dodges while lacky gets hit*
Ron: Dammit Seamus! You're in Gryffindor, you coward!
Death Eater Bitch: I thought we were in the library! *hint hint to all those who weren't listening to the narrarator*
Harry: (you've still got the big G on)
Death Eater Bitch: (oops) *lunges at Harry*
Seamus: *isn't in dorm, but hiding under tables and a pile of books*
Harry: Gaah! *tries to duck out of the way*
Seamus: Harry, fight 'em! Go Harry!
Harry: Expelliarmus!
Death Eater Bitch: *scratches Harry's head but looses center of balance and topples out of window* SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Take that, Death Witch!
Seamus: Yay Harry! You're my hero!
Death Eater lacky: *tries to cast spell, gets hit from behind by recovering Hermy* *thud*
Harry: How the bloody hell did they get in here?
Ron: Yeah, past Madame Pince and all.
Hermy: I don't know...
Seamus: I don't know. Help me out? I'm stuck under these books.
Hermy: Ow *rubs sore hex mark*
Harry: *yanks Seamus out from under books* Thanks Seamus. You were a fat load of help.
Seamus: Thank you Harry! You're my hero! Hey, no problem!
Hermy: *stands up* Where are the teachers?
Harry: That's a damn good question.
Seamus: Did they...get transported to another dimension?
Hermy: *peeks out door* Is that Lupin coming down the hall?
Harry: *peeks out, head just above Hermy's* Looks like it.
Seamus: Maybe it's someone DISGUISED as Lupin?
Lupin says: Are you all right??
Hermy: *looks frustrated and flaunts spell wound* DOES IT BLOODY LOOK LIKE WE'RE ALLRIGHT!?
Lupin: Is anyone *seriously* hurt?
Seamus: Well...I think one of the books might've given me a bruise...
Hermy: *looks like about ready to seriously hurt someone*
Ron: Lucky that's all they gave you
Dumbledore: Oh dear, it seems like they reached here too!
Harry: Professor, how did they get IN here?
Seamus: Dumbledore? Where'd you come from?
Dumbledore: *casts binding spell on unconscious Eeath Eater* They arrived in force, somewhat like a broom calvary. The leader seems to have been using them for cannon fodder.
Harry: But how did they get in the school? Aren't there protection charms and stuff?
Seamus: Yeah! Protection charms!
Dumbledore: We're still working on that,
Seamus: Maybe...could someone have let them in?
Harry: Oh..
Dumbledore: I have a feeling that Neville must somehow have negated the charms when he pulled professor Legolas through to this world.
Harry: Damn!
Lupin: I picked a helluva year to come back.
Seamus: Way to go, Lupin.
Dumbledore: *pulls death eater away* Any more here?
Harry says: There's one outside the window.
Dumbledore: *looks outside window* Dear me, she seems to have escaped!
Harry: Damn!
Dumbledore: *removes Death Eater*
Hermy: Aw fuck *rubs hex mark*
Lupin: Maybe you sould go see madame Pomfrey.
Hermy: *eyes lupin* So I hear you've been harassing Legolas..
Lupin: What? That wasn't me!
Hermy: *trying to distract Lupin from sending her to hospital wing* Oh, are you another Harry chaser?
Lupin: I was only running a few tests.... what? Who's chasing Harry?
Hermy: Tests?
Harry:: Apparently everyone.
Hermy: Except Draco.
Lupin: To find out where he came from, if he was really an elf... things like that. Madame Pomfrey was there the whole time. I never did anything unbecoming! Poor elf. He 's been through a lot, being transported through time and space takes a lot out of you.
Hermy: ... I wonder what link this attack has with the head...
Lupin: What head?
Hermy: Sirius's head.
Lupin: ... *wiggles finger in ear* Did you say what I think you said?
Hermy: I mean, it arrives yesterday, then today there is an attack.
Harry: Yes, spooky that.
Hermy: *looks thoughtful* Right, I'll go off to the infirmary. *leaves*
Lupin: What's all this about Sirius' head?
Colin: *looks adorably scared* Whose head?
Harry: It wasn't his real head...
Colin: Was this about the hassle last night? Should I go get Hermione? She knows about these things, right Harry?
Harry: *thinking*
Colin: *looks adorable*
Harry: Sure, if she's got that hex thing all fixed up.
Colin: Did Seamus pass out?
Harry: Did he?
Colin: *gets distracted then wanders off to find Hermione*
Hermy: *comes back looking more self possessed*
Seamus: *passed out*
Hermy: *upends vase of water upon Seamus*
Hermy: You wanted me?
Seamus: Ugh! I'm wet!
Harry: Well, Colin had this idea that all this stuff was having something to do with the hassle yesterday... though which hassle he means I'm not quite sure.
Hermy: Oh, I ran into him when I was running the head over to Proffessor McGonagall's. Why don't we head back to the common room, I hear theres been no disturbances there.
Harry: Oh sure.
Lupin: What about me?
Hermy: *drags Seamus and Lupin to commonroom*
Lupin: And where did Dumbledore go?
Seamus: *is dragged* Ow! My ear!
Lupin: Ow!
Hermy: *pushes sleeping elf off common room couch and sits down*
Lupin: Oh, that poor elf.
Leggy: *mumbles in sleep*
Seamus: You just want to get in his pants.
Leggy: mmm... Faramir...
Lupin: Do you like being pushed off the couch when you're sleeping?
Harry: What's he saying? He's talking in his sleep.
hermy: Well its not like anybody EVER touches me *looks sweet*
Seamus: Haha. Virgin. *points and laughs at mione*
Harry: Wha?
Ron: *poke poke* There, consider yourself touched.
hermy: *looks like is about ready to touch fist acrss Ron's face* Right, now where were we?
Harry: Uh...
hermy: Right, what if the head had a role in the invasion?
Harry: And that other stuff. Whatever it was.
hermy: I don't think anybody checked the head for spells other than how it was constructed. When I first picked the head up, I could have sworn that it blinked.
Harry: Oh, now who would put spells on a head?
Seamus: Maybe it's robotic?
Harry: Did it explode?
hermy: No, it was still intact when I was sent the letter. But what if it was spying, what if somebody was using the eyes?
Seamus: Hmm.
Harry: Erg. That's quite creepy
Seamus: That is.
hermy: I've read about spells where people use the senses of body parts... *goes quiet and looks sidelong at Lupin* ...not that I've been researching necromancy, that magic's illegal.
Lupin: Damn straight it is.
hermy: Well, the head could then be both a mental torment and spy, kinda a double whammy.
Harry: It sure as hell whammied.
Seamus: What's a whammy? *blinks*
Leggy: *Twitches in sleep* *smiles* hmmmm *rolls over and bumps into Seamus*
Harry: Hasn't anyone found him a room yet?
Hermy: I think He's still using one of the dorm beds. Dumbledore keeps forgetting about him.
Seamus: Aww, the elf is rolling on me! *grins*
Harry: Then why was he sleeping on the couch?
Hermy: Guess he just fell asleep here.
Leggy: *stretches*
Lupin: I wonder if we should go somewhere else... it's possible he's listening to us.
Leggy: *giggles and curls up*
Harry: Igh. I hate giggling.
Hermy: I'm starting to wonder what he's dreaming...
Seamus: Aww, hessocute! *pets leggy's hair*
Hermy: *gets profitable business idea* Hmm.
Seamus: *sighs* Not as much as Harry, but close enough.
Leggy: Hey! Nobody insults my cuteness!
Harry: He thinks I'm cuter!
Ron: *glowering at Seamus*
Leggy: *realisess where is* Damn, I was having a great dream. *glowering at Seamus*
Seamus: Aww. I'm sorry, Elf.
Leggy: *gracefully stands up in fluid motion* *looks entirely regal* *strolls away*
Harry: Hmph. Guess he's too good for us.
Hermy: *checks to see if Lupin is watching Leg's ass*
Seamus: He's not as good as Harry. *quick glance* But he's pretty.
Lupin: Who?
Hermy: *wondering if Lupin is, perhaps, the one straight males in the whole damn castle*
Lupin: I miss Sirius.
Hermy: Damn!
Seamus: Mione cussed!
Lupin: What's wrong, Hermione? *innocently*
Hermy: *goes back to wondering if elf would pose for photos*
Harry: Anyway... what were we discussing again?
Seamus: I...don't remember
Hermy: I was telling Lupin he should check the head for spells.
Lupin: *looks frightened* I don't know if I'm up to that...
Hermy: *looks at Lupin, then shoos him out of the common room* Well see if McGonagall will, she's got more balls than the rest of you.
Lupin: *muttering* Yeah, well she wasn't shagging him, was she? *leaves the room*
Hermy: God, its a wonder that any of the magic kind manages to reproduce the way that you wizards go after it...
Ron: Well...
Hermy: Like fucking bunnies.. literally! Except bunnies actually cross gender lines! *shivers* if Pansy propositions me one more time I'm going to feed her to the giant squid!
Ron: *very quietly* wizardsdontalwaysneedtocrossgenderlines
Harry: WHAT?!!
Hermy: *looks very quietly at Ron*
Seamus: Eh?
Ron: *blush* Nothing...
Hermy: *looks thoughtful* *cracks up* Ron! don't tell me Harry knocked you up! *snickers
Harry: *cough* Other way 'round, I'm afraid.
Hermy: I always thought that that spell was a joke! *guffaws*
Harry: So did we.
Hermy: Oh this is rich! I can't wait for Snape to find out!
Harry: I've been trying not to think about it.
Hermy: ... Not that I would tell him without your permision.
Harry: *glare*
Hermy: *tryig not to break out laughing* Have you told your parents yet Ron?
Ron: Are you joking? My mother would have kittens!
Hermy: *suddenly serious* What are you going to do with the child?
Ron: ...Well, raise it, I guess...
Hermy: Well, if you don't want your family to find out, I can front you as much money as you need.
Harry: That's all right. Where did Seamus get to again?
Hermy: ! I hope he isn't off tattling!
Harry: *puts head in hands and moans*
Hermy: I know several morning sickness spells...well, prevention spells.
Harry: *perks ears* I'm listening.
Hermy: Some of the girls in my ring aren't very careful. *rushes up to room, returns to commonroom*
Harry: I was actually groaning at the prospect of all the Slytherin house finding out about this, but that would help too.
Hermy: Here, I've compiled a book. *hand book*
Harry: That was quick.
Hermy: I've got it on hand to watch after my girls.... never thought I'd watch over my boys..
Ron: Hermione, that's one hell of a dangerous business you're running.
Hermy: No, my girls aren't turning any tricks, except for their own amusment.
Ron: Seems like that's pretty often if you've gone and compiled a handbook.
Hermy: But, I invest in them as photographers and distributers, it pays to keep them safe. Just once was enough to get me on standby. I like to be prepared.
Harry: Which one was that, out of curiosity?
Hermy: Now now, like I said... confidentiality.. *coughs*Lavender!*coughs*
Harry : No! Really?
Hermy: You did notice how pudgy she was getting by the end of last year, right?
Harry: Now that you mention it...I'm not going to get fat, am I?
Seamus: Harry's pregnant?
Hermy: Well, how does this spell work?
Harry: Welcome to the party, Seamus!
Seamus: Sorry, I was away. Eating cookies. Or something.
Hermy: Wxtra dimension, right?
Seamus: Certainly not plotting how to get into Harry or the elf's pants. Of course.
Ron: Yeah, dimension. Helps quite a bit, I hear.
Harry: *whew*
Hermy: Well, I think then that there's weight gain from food but not baby.
Harry: Good. Maybe Slytherin doesn't have to find out.
Hermy: Seamus, you've got to swear not to tell anyone.
Harry: Please!! *doe eyes*
Seamus: You mean...you ARE pregnant?
Harry: mm.
Hermy: Apparently. Well, I think we can keep it quiet, we just need to find out what to do with the child when it's born.
Seamus: AW! Name it after me!
Ron: Well... I guess my parents wouldn't mind... once they get through killing me, that is.
Hermy: You might be able to convince my parents...but yours are family.
Seamus: Why would your parents kill you, Ron? I mean, isn't the rest of your family as gay as day? Look at Bill, he has long hair and an earring. Or is that Charlie...eh, you're all too much alike for me.
Hermy: *staring wide-eyed at portal* Holy shit...
Ron: What?
Seamus: Huh? More Death Eaters? SAVE THE BABY!
other Harry: *starring at harry* Uh.
Harry: *expletive deleted*
other Harry: *looks furtive rubs scar on forehead*
Seamus: Two...Harrys? Both...so sexy...I mean...
Ron: *speechless*
other Harry: *looks very confused*
Seamus: Identical!
Ron: Clo... clone?
Hermy: Their scars are off, the other one's is larger... Stay here! *runs off to fetch teacher*
Seamus: You're a nerd.
Harry 2: *looks worried*
Seamus: *Pokes Harry clone* Who are you, really?
Harry: *looks more worried*
Harry 2: I'm Harry Potter. Don't you know me Seamus?
Harry: Yeah, when's your birthday?
Harry 2: over summer break
Harry: What day?
Harry 2: *trying to very hard to remember* I... don't ... know...
Seamus: Where did you come from?
Harry: Ha! July 31!
Seamus: Do you wanna dance? Will you marry me?
Harry 2: Sounds familiar...no! I don't swing that way!
Seamus: Augh- you mean you're STRAIGHT? *shudders*
Hermy: *perks*
Harry: That proves you're not me! That and the birthday thing.
Seamus: Yeah. Weirdo.
Ron: A straight Harry... *shudder*
Harry 2: But... who am I?
Harry: Yeah, who the hell are you?
Harry 2: Is he Evil Harry?
Harry: I most certainly am not!
Hermy: No... that doesn't sound right...
Harry: I fought those Death Eaters, didn't I? Ron, Hermione, you were there? Have I ever left your sight?
Evil Harry: How did iget here?
Seamus: I wasn't there! I'm so confused! But I know you're real. because you're pregnant with Ron's lovechild!
Harry: *tryng to remember when someone could have gotten a sample of his DNA*
Evil Harry: Guys don't get pregnant.
Harry: Hey, that Death Eater scratched me when she fell out of the window!
Evil Harry: Mona?
Harry: Who?
Evil Harry: Mona Halfpenny, she called herself a death eater, and she was pretty bruised up.
Harry: How do you know her?
Evil Harry: She's the first person I remember seeing really...
Ron: He's a clone, all right!
Evil Harry: I don't really know.
Lupin: *bursts into the common room* What the...
Seamus: I'm so confused!
Evil Harry: *startled* ARG!
Lupin: Why are there two of you?
Evil Harry: I DON'T KNOW! *really confused*
Lupin: Where's Hermione?
Evil Harry: Here.
Ron: I thought she went to get a teacher.
Seamus: Me too!
Hermy: I followed him back *gestures to Lupin*
Seamus: ARE YOU A HERMIONE CLONE? Oh.
Hermy: He beat me here. What are we going to name him? Are we going to keep him?
Harry: I don't think so!
Evil Harry: I'm not some damn pet!
Snape: *bursts in* What the...
Seamus: Snape!
Snape: *gets look of sheer bliss at sight of two Harrys* *passes out*
Lupin: Damn... I was going to send him to get Dumbledore.
Seamus: No! Snape! We need a teacher!
Lupin: *prods Snape with foot*
Evil Harry: ...
Seamus: *throws evil Harry on Snape*
Evil Harry: Hey! That wasn't nice! That was MEAN!
Seamus: Aw. Poor you.
Snape: *revived* Lupin, I demand to know what's going on here!
Lupin: I don't think I know any more than you do.
Snape: *keeps eyeing two Harrys*
Seamus: Ew. Pedophile. *looks away*
Snape: *turns and leaves*
Evil Harry: So... what's happening?
Lupin: I hope you're getting Dumbledore! Oh, I am so lost...
Evil Harry: *whistles aimlessly*
Dumbledore: *walks in* I have just been informed of a most curious turn of events.
Seamus: Dumbledore!
Dumbledore says: Yes?
Seamus: You're...here...
Dumbledore: *eyes two Harrys*
Lupin: Please tell us what's going on!
Dumbledore: Well, it appears that there are two Harrys. *pulls out wand*
Seamus: No, really.
Dumbledore: *mumbles spell and taps evil Harry on head* *glows green* Well, he seems to be built the same way that the head was. *casts few more spells*
Seamus: How very strange!
Lupin: But who would do such a thing?
Seamus: The elf!
Harry: Damn!
Dumbledore: *pulls down nape of evil Harry's shirt to display partial Death Eater tattoo*
Harry: *gasp*
Dumbledore: It appears that Voldemort, or one of his supporters, is trying to replace Mr Potter with a more controllable version. But his, well programing doesn't seem to be complete.
Harry: Yeah, he didn't even know my birthday!
Seamus: Yeah! and he was STRAIGHT! That was crazy!
Evil Harry: I didn't say I was straight, I said I didn't swing that way.
Hermy says: *rolls eyes*
Seamus: Difference is?
Harry: Yeah?
Hermy: Maybe he doesn't swing towards horny little Scottish toads.
Dumbledore: *clears throat*
Harry: I thought Finnigan was Irish.
Seamus: I am.
Dumbledore: He also doesn't appear to have any spell cast on him.
Seamus: Maybe he doesn't swing towards horny Scottish toads. But who can resist teh IRISH? *poses*
Dumbledore: *takes quick snapshot* Fortunately I know where this second Harry comes from! Hagrid came in a while earlier and said he caught a Death Eater working on an unconscious Harry, it appears that her work was incomplete.
Harry: What kind of work?
Seamus: Ooh? A her?
Dumbledore: I would guess she was constructing his memories and such.
Harry: Well, she didn't do such a good job.
Dumbledore: She was interupted by Hagrid.
Seamus: How would she know all of Harry's memories? Was she stalking him? And Harry, how could you NOT notice her stalking you?
Harry: Who isn't?
Dumbledore: I will take this second Harry for further tests, but as it is, it appears we may have another Potter running around school.
Harry: Unless... she was disguised as somebody else!
Dumbell: Well, at least for as long as he lasts, the Sirius head is decaying very quickly..
Seamus: Maybe! Or maybe it was a man that looked like a woman! THE ELF!
Lupin: AHA!
Dumbledore: *looks pale*
Lupin: And Longbottom must be part of this as well!
Evil Harry: *dragged away by Dumbledore*
Hermy: Neville's not capable of anything.
Harry: Then who summoned that elf?
Hermy: ...Okay he is capable.
Seamus: Maybe he just doesn't realize his...potential?
Hermy: Are you going sweet on Neville?
Hermy: Perhaps his behavior shows some sort of ... possession or domination spell.
Seamus: (going to bed now. Mom making me get off. night everyone!)
Harry: Imperius Curse, maybe?
Seamus has left the conversation.
Hermy: We should send a message to St Mungos to check.
Harry: And tell them to keep him there
Hermy: We shoukd find Legolas.
Ron: And stick him in the dungeon until we know what to do with him.
Hermy: *loudly* Legolas, we need your help down here!
Legs: *comes down* What? Well?
Ron: Who are you, really?
Hermy: *pulls out wand just in case*
Legs: Legolas, prince of Mirkwood.
Ron: Have you come here to clone Harry?
Legs: Huh? *looks innocent* *hand creeps behind back* Why would I want to clone Harry?
Harry: Wands! *whips wand to point at Legs*
Legs: *makes sudden movement*
Harry: *jumps to feet*
Legs: *makes sudden movement*
Harry: *jumps to feet*
Legs: *pulls out knife and lunges at Harry*
Ron: NO! *jumps in front of Harry*
Legs: Die Potter!
Ron: Stupefy!
Legs: *stupified* *thud*
Hermy: *casts spell*
Legs: *face shifts to that of human*
Ron: What the...
Legs: *Death Eater tattoo revealed on arm*
Ron: Who is it?
Hermy: I don't know, we should have Lupin take him to the dungeon.
Hermy: *looks around for Lupin*
Harry: Oh... he seems to have passed out or something.
Lupin: *on the floor*
Hermy: *trys to wake Lupin*
Lupin: *groggily* Wha...
Hermy: Lupin, your assistant is a Death Eater.
Lupin: Oh, holy hell.
Hermy: You'd best take him away.
Lupin: Yeah...okay... *drags unconscious Death Eater out of room*
Ron: *hugs Harry*
Hermy: Well, today has been very long.
Harry:*with very little air* I'll say!
Hermy: You two go to bed, I'll stay up a bit to catch any news.
Harry: 'Kay. *drags Ron upstairs*
